today in the hospital everyone was sort of dogging on each other for our respective health issues (alcoholism, eating junk food, not exercising, smoking, etc) and my parents made up with my aunt and uncle and it was just really cathartic and goddamn awful so whatever i told my mom that i was purging because now’s as good as any time to tell her (which is stupid and selfish because my goddamn grandfather just had a fucking stroke) but yeah now she knows and is going to send me to a doctor and everything is running through my head and i can’t sleep and i can just see him seizing in bed waiting for the fucking ambulance and thinking of the last things i said to him
you know how there are people just cannot take the hint and you’re stunned wondering how they can possibly be so OBTUSE and gosh gosh gosh just leave me alone
so you want to know the super duper fun thing about eating disorders?? it’s like there’s never recovery, just hoscotching between one, then another, and another, and another!
i am remarkably self absorbed and this is the root of all my “problems” and i am just making myself sick one little temper tantrum at a time
